Some time ago both my girls had a conversation that I happened to be listening to about Charlize’s life in Heaven. They tried to imagine what it was like for her up there. There was quite a bit of discussion about how she would definitely have a bike and ride it around Heaven.
The past month has opened my eyes a little wider to the signs I get from Heaven. Around the time of Charlize’s 2nd anniversary I had a medium clairvoyant come to the house and one of the things that has never left me was Charlize telling me to slow down and I will see the signs of her all around me.
Every single morning I walk up to my vegetable garden, I have my cup of tea and I sit, I wait and I watch. I love to see the dew on the ground and the spider webs glistening in the morning sunshine. Because it’s so peaceful early in the morning I can hear the bees and then as I patiently walk around and water my beautiful plants I see the shadows above me. Sometimes they come extremely close to my face, sometimes they just do laps around the garden and hover nearby, but they always come, the butterflies.
Over the last week a series of extraordinary things have happened.
Mid last week, there were two Dunk Island butterflies, these are the gorgeous Ulysses butterflies. They flew in unison constantly and from where I was watching it looked like they were dancing. So in sync with eachother, it was total magic. Then out of nowhere a third one arrived. She didn’t dance with them but it was like they were guiding her direction towards me. I was awestruck as I watched and appreciated the magic of them. I even whispered, “Charlize, have you brought me my Granny to visit”?
A few days later my son was home with me. It was just the two of us in the lounge room. The girls were not home and my husband was down the other end of the house in the study. All of a sudden I heard a little girl talking and she dinged her bike bell. Orlando started looking all over our property and checked our neighbours driveway but couldn’t see anyone. I too ventured outside and knew no one was there. I smiled. Orlando came inside and said, “Mummy, I know this sounds strange but do you think that was Charlize? Maybe she heard the girls asking about her having a bike in Heaven”. I told him that it wasn’t strange and that’s exactly what I had thought too.
Earlier this week we visited the dentist. It just so happened that my daughter was wearing a dress covered in butterflies with butterfly clips in her hair. I thought nothing of it until the dental assistant called her butterfly girl. We were quietly sitting there when Charlize’s song came on. It’s not a current song and not even a very popular song but it was on and it played and neither one of us said a single word. It was like we both pretended we weren’t hearing it. I had to discreetly wipe my eyes though.
Later in the day I heard her tell her sister that Charlize’s song played at the dentist and they agreed she must’ve been with them today.
Today I woke up early. I watched the sun glisten on the hill outside my bedroom and I felt an overwhelming warmth around me and I looked up and noticed my Pa’s hat hanging on my wall in my bedroom. After he died, some years ago when I was still in High School, he used to come to me often. My musical clown would start playing at 3.00am. I’d wake up and know he was sitting at the end of my bed and it was always 3.00am. He stayed with me for years and then he left. He recently returned in my dreams. I have no doubt it’s because my Granny was reunited with him in November.
I miss her dearly, beyond words. I feel like Charlize and Pa have sent me all these signs so I know they’re all together and my daughter is loving the time with her great-grandparents as much as I did as a little girl.
Tonight I sat down on my bed with my cup of tea and I heard a noise like something had dropped. The strangest thing happened. Charlize’s story book that has been sitting in the same place on my shelf for quite some time, dropped off the shelf. When I noticed, I felt overwhelming love.
Some people are probably reading this thinking ‘this lady is a total nut job’ and that’s okay.
Today I was lucky enough to spend some time talking about my daughter to some of my friends. It felt right and it felt special to share her with them.
Sometimes in life, your Mummy gets busy and I forget to slow down and see you.
Over these past few weeks I have seen you.
I have heard you.
And I have felt you.
I see the beauty all around us when you remind me to slow down.
I saw a delightful old couple walking ever so slowly and they were holding hands. It made me remember the intense and magical love my Granny and Pa had for eachother. It made me smile.
I got up and watched the sun rise over my favourite spot on the beach the other morning. I sat on the bench chair dedicated to a man with the butterfly sign. As the sun glistened on the water and the ocean gently rippled I was happy. I was lucky I had woken up, my heart was beating and nature was putting on such a beautiful show.
I was sitting in my garden and as your butterfly friends danced around my head, the bees started singing. They buzzed as they worked and worked as they buzzed. I was grateful.
Your little sister hears you and sees you and feels you all of the time. I am certain her personality is as big as it is for both of you. She has spirit.
Thank you for reminding our family of all the reasons to smile, to laugh, to be grateful and to love deeply.
In losing you, you have undoubtedly become the greatest joy.