Since I read that amazing book “Wonder”, I have continually prompted my children to be kinder than necessary.
On Friday, I experienced such overwhelming kindness that it brought me to my knees.
I have a wonderful friend who as she puts it, “is carrying a bit of extra baggage at the moment”. She seriously is amazing and I thought I’d drop around to her house this particular morning very briefly and give her some flowers because they always make me smile.
I drove myself to the wonderful Alstonville Florist and ordered a posy of yellow flowers. Yellow always makes me think of the sun and for me symbolises happiness. Kerry, the owner happened to be sitting at the front desk and we embraced as it had been quite a while since I’d seen her. She asked me how things were and I realised she didn’t know about the accident. For some reason I poured my heart out to her.
Kerry was beautiful as always, and we talked for quite some time. The posy of flowers were completed and beautiful but she refused to let me pay. I told her they weren’t actually for me but my friend and I insisted. She wouldn’t hear of it.
I noticed that I had a lump in my throat and as quickly as I noticed that, I promptly burst into tears. I was so overwhelmed by her kindness and the kindness of the lovely staff who listened to me pour my heart out. I could not thank her enough.
I got in the car and cried all the way to my friends house. When I realised she wasn’t home I left them at her door. I got back in my car and cried all the way home.
I made myself a cup of tea and tried to pull myself together. I later realised that it was the first time I had actually verbalised the true realities of my daughters injuries. I had heard the words from the doctors and I parked them in a place in my brain where I could bring them out for medical appointments and put them away again after that. I didn’t need to truly acknowledge them yet as hopefully they wouldn’t fully show their true identities. Alas, they have started to show their true colours to us and the realities of what that means is truly heartbreaking. A heartbreak I’m not yet ready to put into typed words.
This experience also showed me how much I need to grieve the 15th November. To sit and process the enormity of the shock of what happened that day. To grieve the death of my Granny and acknowledge that she is no longer here. Although I know it, so many parts of that day don’t feel real. I was surprised on Friday as I was driving home from the florist how hurt I felt that the family members that organised the funeral didn’t care that it was Charlize’s anniversary. For them I guess, she is a great-niece that they never met. A baby that doesn’t have a face or a place in their heart. They didn’t consider how their own niece, me, actually felt by that decision. If she was anyone else but my Granny I would never have attended her funeral. I hope they may read this and realise the enormity of that decision and they affect it had on my family. Kindness is the simplest of gestures that can be life changing.
To Kerry, that one amazing, kind gesture has touched me and I am truly thankful. I will pay it forward this week and hope to bring a smile to someone else this week. Your flowers made me smile. Thank you.
To all my devoted followers who have kindly started following my blog via Facebook, THANK YOU!
So many of you have recently sent me messages of support and encouragement and love. Keep sending them because it makes me feel as though my writing does actually have purpose when sometimes it truly doesn’t feel like it when it’s in my head.
For those of you that often say that I should write a book, I actually am. I actually have been for too many years. It’s basically my life story. I am kind of close to the end but I get distracted and then when I come back and look at it I worry it’s not that great. I may share parts of it with you soon and get your opinion.
This week, be kinder than necessary and bring joy to someone’s day.