Big School

When you’re pregnant, you’re constantly told that time just passes you by and to enjoy every moment.

I didn’t realise how true this statement was until I blinked and my first born was eleven.

It seems like only yesterday that I took my first born, Orlando to school.

It was February 2012 and Orlando was five. Indiana was 22 months old and had only just started walking. Only three months before this huge milestone our family announced the arrival of our twin girls, Charlize and Lucia and then we sadly lost our darling daughter Charlize.

The week after Orlando started school Lucia finally came home from hospital. I started the juggle of the school drop off and pick up with a toddler and fragile newborn.

Before I knew it we had left the city for the country and Indiana was starting school.

I felt I had savoured the moments in time and had enjoyed nurturing my little people. I knew though that my heart was not prepared for the next big school milestone.

When Lucia was struggling to survive in the NICU my dear mother in law told me to look forward to all those milestones she would reach. Leaving hospital, learning to walk, starting preschool and going to school.

I found this advice tough. How could I look forward when my daughter couldn’t breathe on her own. Her life was uncertain and we’d just buried her twin sister.

Little did I realise her advice rang true. I became focused only on getting her home and would let nothing get in the way.

In February 2012 she came home and my heart although fragile fluttered with hope. She took her time to grow but she settled in to our family rapidly and her bond with her big sister was stronger than I imagined.

In November 2013 she finally started to walk at two years old and my heart rejoiced for her.

In 2015 she started preschool and my heart missed her.

My maternal instinct and my heart was scared for her but I realised our hope had been mastered and this little girl was truly our Super Lucia.

She had defied all the odds. She is strong, she is resilient, she is funny, she is kind, she is loving and she is ready.

February 2018 crept up on my delicate heart and I felt it evolve. It was time to really let her go. Let her shine. Let her thrive. Let her be independent. I had nurtured her exactly as I planned and it was time.

I’m not sure how I managed it but I didn’t cry. Her excitement was so contagious that you couldn’t be anything but happy.

Deep within, my heart was beating faster and my mind kept saying those words my hearts sadness was feeling.

As she skipped along the pathway to school I felt myself falter as I whispered those words to myself ….

‘There should be two of them. Skipping. Smiling. Going to school. Lucia. And. Charlize.”

I wondered when she would show herself to me. I never doubted she would.

We said goodbye to Orlando, to Indiana as they walked to their own classrooms.

We walked Lucia in to her very first classroom.

We spent time talking to other families we knew who were in her class and then she grabbed my hand and told me she wanted to colour in.

She sat down at a desk and started to colour in a butterfly.

And there she was.

As I marvelled at what I was seeing, Lucia’s teacher came over to talk to us. We told her about our special butterfly.

She told us she was a Mum to twins born at 27 weeks.

I smiled and hugged her.

I knew Lucia would be fine and couldn’t be in better hands had I planned it myself.

I kissed Lucia’s precious face, held my husbands hand and walked out of big school with a smile in my heart and a sparkle in my eyes.

Dearest Lucia, enjoy your school years my darling. You are an inspiration to us all, your determination and love of life makes your eyes twinkle, the sun shine and the colours of the rainbow bright.

Love Mumma x

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