I Am …
Today the project says I need to finish these five sentences so here goes….
1. I wish:
I wish every moment of every day that she didn’t die and she was here holding Lucia’s hand and that I could give her a goodnight kiss every single night.
2. I remember:
I remember the soft feel of her perfect tiny head in my hand.
I remember how she fit so snug against my chest as though she was always meant to be there.
I remember my Mum and Dad walking into that room and proudly introducing them to their granddaughter.
I remember trying to absorb every finite detail about her.
3. I could not believe:
I could not believe I was wearing my favourite black dress. I was holding Saxon’s hand. I was walking into a place I’d never been before.
I could not believe it was my daughter in that tiny white coffin with two beautiful pink gerberas on top of it.
4. If only:
If only: I have too many ‘if only’s’ that have constantly tortured my thoughts, stole my sleep, my smile, my soul, my daughter.
If only my girls didn’t get Twin to Twin Transfusion.
5. I am:
I am a daughter.
A mother to FOUR children.
I am a cancer survivor.
I am a grieving, heartbroken Mummy.
I am a girl who became a woman and who stands tall even though I’m short.
I am brave even when I think I’m not.
I am happy even when my heart is sad.
I am strong even when I’m feeling weak.
I am grateful even when nature is cruel.
I am loved by many and I give my love to many.
I am the one who wears her heart on her sleeve.
I am Proud that after many hurdles I can still run.
I am thankful that although life can be hard it constantly delights me.
I am Christine.
I am Saxon’s wife.
I am Orlando’s Mummy.
I am Indiana’s Mummy.
I am Charlize’sMummy.
I am Lucia’s Mummy.
I am eternally thankful that life gave me all of this and so much more.