Day Twenty One: Relationships

My true love Relationships

It’s ridiculous to think that some relationships can become broken because you’re grieving for your loved one.

In the first year after the twins were born I cannot actually tell you how many relationships just self-destructed. There was family, friends, acquaintances, a ridiculous number actually.

Some just fell away quietly, some caused such distress and heartache it was a relief when they were gone, I had some tell me to my face that they were offended at our rules to keep Lucia safe and weren’t we over-reacting a lot and did I have to talk about my dead baby so much, she only lived for five minutes anyway! Yes people said these things.

But, whenever there’s a storm there’s a rainbow.

For every person who has moved out of our lives I’ve had even more amazing, beautiful people move into it.

From my gorgeous NICU Mumma’s who will always be a huge part of my heart, to all my prematurity Mumma’s, forever bonded, to the beautiful friendships we’ve formed moving to the country, who feel like family and recently to the wonderful Little Boots Families who have now become a huge part of our lives and so supportive and loving. Our family really is so very blessed to be surrounded by these wonderful people.

Today’s photo is one taken by my friend Rae. It was June 2012. Lucia was seven months old (although in her photos she looks like a newborn). It was our first family photography session we had since the twins (and actually we have to update them lol).

This is one of my favourite photos of this guy I have a relationship with. His name is Saxon. I call him Sax or honey. I’ve been lucky enough to call him my husband for the past fifteen years.

This man has seen me at my worst. There were times (he told me this), that he thought his wife wouldn’t resurface from the cloud of grief she was living under. There were times he wanted to shake his wife and tell her that she had a loving husband and three adorable children, here, earthside that needed her.

He never did shake me. He held me countless times as I sobbed unable to manage the simplest of tasks, unable to walk down our stairs from the first floor to the ground level with Lucia in my arms because I might trip and fall and kill her.

Unable to sit still on the lounge drinking a cup of tea as I saw all the hazards in our home that might kill our children.

Unable to face another day with fear, anxiety and deep ugly grief.

He held me.

He cried with me.

He loved me.

He picked up the pieces and waited patiently.

It was two years before he saw his wife emerge again.

Two long years.

This man! This amazing man, I saw such relief on his face that night my life changed and I could smile again.

Real relationships are like this. They’re messy, happy, challenging, fulfilling and so deep with love.

Today I love him more than I did yesterday and I know he would say the same.

We wake up everyday and choose eachother!

I am truly loved and I am truly loving in return.

Thank you Charlize, for giving us so much love in our lives and for the cherished relationships surrounding us.

Life is better because of you xx

 

 

 

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