Day Nineteen: Grief Rituals & Day Twenty: Gratitude

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Grief Rituals & Gratitude

I decided to merge these two days in one blog post mostly because I think our grief rituals are very private and don’t really want to share them.

This afternoon I heard our car arrive with our little people from the school and preschool pick up. I heard Lucia yelling my name as she ran from the car to the front door and as she banged impatiently on the front door “Mumma, Mumma”.

I opened the front door and Lucia excitedly gave me this beautiful art piece that she made today at preschool. If you haven’t managed to read it it says this:

“Dear Stalk, Can you deliver me a baby. I want a girl and I’m going to call her Charlize.”

So, when we lost Charlize I cannot count how many times I was told ‘You should be grateful that you didn’t lose both you babies’.

Yes, people actually think it’s okay to say things like that.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude that Lucia who fought so hard to live, did actually live!

I am so grateful that my girls are identical, I get to see as Lucia grows up just how Charlize would’ve looked.

I am so grateful for honest people. When I mention my daughter died and their response is ‘Thats just shit’. Yes it’s beyond shit.

Im grateful for the lady at the funeral home I called who heard my sobs on the phone, interrupted me and told me she would organise everything so it wouldn’t be as heartbreaking as it was.

I’m for my amazing parents and sister who became pillars of strength for our family especially in that very first year.

I’m grateful for wonderful friends who years on check in to see how we’re doing as her birthday approaches.

I’m grateful for the best sister-in-law in the world, darling Emma, who sends Lisianthus flowers at the same time every year.

I’m grateful for my AMAZING husband who basically held his family together by a fraying rope for those first two years whilst his wife learnt how to live life again with a broken heart. My love for him is deeper today than it was yesterday.

I’m grateful for Orlando and Indiana, at age ten and six are wiser beyond their years and have seen and endured things no child should have to. Yet, they’ve grown into magnificent, caring, loving little humans who are a delight to be around and make me proud every day.

I’m grateful for Lucia! This child is a star. Some days she renders me speechless for her determination and endurance and her outpouring of love for her siblings, especially Charlize. This little person has taught me endless lessons about life, about childhood, about fear, about strength and about love.

Today, I am especially grateful for her wonderful preschool teachers who helped and encouraged her to create today’s beautiful artwork. These amazing ladies enrich her love of Charlize and for that I am truly grateful.

xx

 

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