Day Thirteen: Dear World & Day Fourteen: Beliefs & Spirituality

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Dear World,

Before we lost her I had been raised Catholic, I went to a Catholic school, did all my sacraments, I was even an altar girl!  My wonderful husband was raised in the Uniting Church.

We married in a Catholic Church. Our first born was christened in a uniting church, our second in a Catholic Church. We compromised and respected each others beliefs.

The night we were losing Charlize we wanted her christened. A Catholic priest wa called. He was awful. It was awful. There was I comfort.

When we lost her we reached out to the Uniting Church who were very helpful and comforting. They christened Lucia and did a memorial service for Charlize.

It was too late though. My faith had gone. If there was a God why would he hurt my family this much?

I tried so hard and felt such guilt at my loss of faith. I eventually met a beautiful group of women through the Uniting Church who helped me start my grieving process. Some of those women are still in my life today and I’m thankful for all they’ve done.

When we moved from Sydney we tried a new church. I really wanted to believe. I tried hard to accept their answers but my heart and souls are not in it.

I don’t believe He is real. And I don’t believe you need Him to get through life. I’m extremely respectful of people’s faith and beliefs even if I don’t agree with them.

Today, my belief is in the butterfly who starts as a very hungry caterpillar, eats a big green leaf, builds a home and emerges a beautiful butterfly who brings our family so much joy.

I believe in kindness, caring people, loving souls.

Each evening we sit around the dinner table and we each mention something kind we did on that day. It always makes the children smile when they don’t even realise a particular action was kind.

I believe in the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, Santa Claus and our Scout Elf who visits us every December. I believe in making my children’s childhood fun, memorable, filled with love.

I believe that after every storm there is always a rainbow.

I believe that there are no answers as to why Charlize had to leave us.

I also believe in the extraordinary pain her loss has left us she has taught our family how to really live life. How to stand taller, to stand stronger, to be kinder, to grieve harder, to smile wider and to love until our heart is overflowing.

Dear world, I may no longer have a religious belief but my faith is the love of my family and for every moment I have with them I will cherish to the fullest.

For that, I am truly grateful.

 

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