Day Twelve: Lemons and Lemonade

Lemons and Lemonade

As I sit rather impatiently in the hospital corridor waiting for Lucia to be woken up and returned to me, my heart is racing and I’m pretending to be brave.

I mustn’t be doing a good job because one of the nurses keeps coming out to tell me she’s doing a good job and she’s ok.

In a few weeks it will be five years since the universe took our utter joy and turned it upside down and shook our lives into pieces.

Nothing will ever erase the feelings of loss, fear, sadness, devastation and utter heart break.

However amongst all the the the thorns on that lemon tree our family has grown and become a strong force of nature and love. We are a team, connected by the gene pool and our deepest love for each other and forever ensuring we keep our daughter and sisters memory alive.

This beautiful photo is when my parents came to visit and the kids arrived home from school and ran into their loving arms. This is what life’s all about. Moments like these.

In all the sadness I have found so much happiness and an inner strength I wondered would show itself.

The friendships I’ve made with other mums of premature babies are lifelong. The special bond I share with the beautiful ladies in my life who have also suffered their own loss is so unique it’s difficult to describe. It is a bond so raw I have one friend in particular who when we see eachother it’s less than two seconds before we are crying in each others arms.

Losing my baby girl has made me more resilient, softer, more giving. But don’t be fooled by seeing my heart on my sleeve, this Mumma has intense fire in her belly and will go Fifty Shades of Crazy to protect her small humans, be their voice, give them the best in life.

When life gave us a challenge we packed ourselves up and stretched the challenge further by moving ten hours north to a town where we knew not a soul.

Today, two years later our family has healed the most it has in the past five years. We are loved, protected and nurtured by this beautiful town we now call home and we are surrounded by the most amazing, loving people I have ever met.

Our children run free on our property and have learnt to respect and admire nature in all it’s beauty.

Today as the Dr was putting the mask on Lucia’s face to put her to sleep, she asked her if she has a pet at home. Our friend Doug, who is doing Lucia’s MRI chuckled. He said ‘Well Lucia has a mini farm at her house with goats, ducks, chickens, guinea pigs and a cat.’

I talked about Daisy our baby goat and stroked her face as tears slid down her face in protest at what was happening. It’s not fair that this little girl has to endure constant pain and tests after she lost her sister but she is this amazing, determined little human because of what she’s endured.

When Charlize left us I couldn’t see the future. Little did I know that she would guide us to a beautiful future, a beautiful life filled with so much left to explore and enjoy.

Thank you beautiful girl xx

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