Day 13: Regrets and Triggers

Day 13: Regrets and TriggersI think any parent who has to say goodbye to their child forever has regrets.

Why didn’t I hold her longer that final time?

Why didn’t I get a photo of her with her twin sister, with her siblings?

Why? Why? Why?

Somehow you learn to live with them. Because no matter how hard you wish for it you can’t change it. You do what feels right for you at the time.

Triggers are much harder to resolve because so many things in every day life can be triggers. I see butterflies most days. But they make me smile or feel comfort that she is close by.

In the early days my big kids would see a twin pram coming way before I did and ensure we took a different path. Sometimes I just need to check that twin pram and see if they’re identical or fraternals. Fraternals don’t worry me. Identicalls pull at my heart.

Looking at my survivor every day is a trigger but a good one. I’m lucky enough to look at her beautiful face every day and see exactly how her beautiful sister would look. I’m lucky enough to watch her grow, laugh, play and love. It’s a trigger I look forward to watching over the years.

My picture today is of course of our Lisianthus flowers. All the flowers we received when we lost Charlize had Lisianthus in them and I cannot go past our florist without buying them to put in the base near my angels photo.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s