I wake up every morning at a much too early time, when I hear the cows across the road “mooing” and nature come to life as daylight beckons. Usually I have a little face snuggled up close to mine who whispers “Warm Milk please Mummy”.
As I pad quickly into the kitchen and heat up some milk and watch her eyes get heavy again as her belly fills with milk, I snuggle back into bed and think how lucky I am.
Without a single doubt in my mind I am certain our beautiful angel Charlize guided us to this place for so many reasons. Our country life has brought so much joy to my life that three years ago I could never imagine being this happy again.
Our ten minute drive into town to school, on country roads, with rolling green hills makes me smile and I can always feel the positives to life.
This week especially has me feeling that I have immersed myself so fully into our new life that I can’t imagine being anywhere else.
I have removed a dead rat from our dog, a dead rabbit from our cat.
I have booted the cane toad out of my shed, yet again.
I have trimmed the lime tree and prepared the new front gardens for my roses.
I have picked cumquats.
I have made cumquat jam – although I’m still unsure if it’s nice or not?
I have sewed a few special things for preschools group time.
I have cleaned the house from top to bottom in the hope the whooping cough germs and any others lingering will leave us alone for a while.
I have had coffee, playdates, seen a movie with new and blossoming friendships.
Every day I wake up I’m smiling.
I can talk about the loss of Charlize now with a smile on my face remembering carrying her in my belly and feeling her and Lucia routinely do a gymnastics workout in my belly.
On her second birthday she told me if I slowed down I would hear her, feel her, see her. I struggled to believe I ever would. For those first two years everything I did felt hard and heavy.
I listened to her and we changed our lives because of her.
She was patient. Her mother was not.
In December when we moved up here I didn’t see a single butterfly for the whole four days we were unpacking. This thought caused me great stress that Charlize had not come with us to the country.
The week before Christmas when we arrived with the children to our new home we walked all around the property and I could tell even the children were looking for a butterfly. But we didn’t see one.
A few hours after we arrived as a family, I got in the car to drive to pick up our cat. Out of nowhere were two magnificent, enormous blue butterflies hovering in front of my windscreen. Without even realising I had tears streaming down my face and a smile as wide as you can imagine.
Charlize had given me a sign that she was here and always would be here with Lucia and our family.
Every day since then I can hear her. She tells me that it’s okay now and I believe her.
Every day since then I can feel her. The wind will brush gently across my cheek and I get shivers down my spine and I know it’s her. I will smile into the sunshine and my heart feels warm and I know it’s her.
Every day since then I can see her. Our property is alive with butterflies, bigger and more beautiful than I’ve ever seen.
My favourite part of any day is watching Lucia start chasing a butterfly calling out “Charlize, Charlize come back here”.
More often than not Charlize will hear her and gently land on or near her sister.