The Sound of Silence

BeachYesterday my absolutely wonderful parents picked up my three children for a school holiday break. The children have been counting down to their visit since last school holidays – eleven weeks ago.

I am so very lucky to not only have amazing parents but they are “young” for grandparents and look forward to bringing the kids to their place and spend special time with them.

Last night I got home from work and had to start packing their bags. They all eagerly helped with beautiful smiles all over their faces. As I started packing I started feeling the dread.

Don’t get me wrong I can’t wait to push my little monkeys out the door to have some time with my husband and let’s be honest to have some time to myself. Tomorrow I don’t have to work so I have one full day all to myself. The thought of having more than one full nights sleep in a row and a sleep in plus the option to do whatever I want tomorrow is a delightful thought.

But …..

There is always a but. Since losing Charlize the thought of not having my babies around fills me with dread. I start worrying about all the potential things that could happen to them when I’m not there to supervise. I’m actually not one of those parents who thinks that they are the only one that can parent them but I just worry more than I used to.

Last night when I kissed them all goodbye and waved until they couldn’t see me anymore I missed them already and my eyes filled with tears.

I walked inside and the house was silent.

My husband and I enjoyed a glass of wine and take away. No one had to lay with a child until they went off to sleep. No one needed their water cup filled up because they were thirsty for the twenty fifth time. No one needed to go to the toilet repeatedly just so they didn’t have to go to bed. No one needed me.

It feels strange.

I turned all my “I-things” off and read my book – without interruption. I made a cup of tea and enjoyed it hot.

I went to bed eventually and had a full nights sleep. Bliss.

I woke up this morning and the house was quiet. ABC Kids was not on downstairs, my little mans face was not there to greet me, there was no pitter patter of little feet above my head upstairs whilst I made my cup of tea and squealing requests for warm milk upon their waking. There was no frantic making beds, getting breakfast, making lunches, packing bags, dressing children, finding shoes.

There was just me and so much silence.

I casually showered, got dressed, made a lovely cup of tea, drank it hot on the lounge whilst reading the news (a total rarity for me), played with the cat, walked casually to the car and went to work.

I finished a very long day at the office without worrying I was going to be late for the Nanny.

When I got home again – silence. So what did I do? I called my babies for the second time today to listen to their excited little voices tell me how much fun they are having at Nanny and Grandpa’s.

After our call, I made another cup of tea and enjoyed my Adriano Zumbo Salted Caramel Tim Tams without having to hide them and then I devoured the whole pack.

As much as I miss my darlings, sometimes I love just being able to enjoy the silence but I equeally am counting days till my home is filled with their noise all over again.

xx

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