About Time

I went to the movies tonight to see ‘About Time’.

For those who haven’t seen it, it’s about a guy who can travel back in time and change things if he wants. Luckily, this guy just wants to fall in love so he only changes things to make life better.

I saw this movie with two of my closest girlfriends. One of the girls asked the other at the end if she would change anything and she said she would, the other one said she wouldn’t change a thing.

This movie made me very sad. You see, there are so many things I’d change.

I wouldn’t change my childhood or my teenage years. I may have changed some of the ridiculous decisions I made but if I did change them it’s doubtful that I would be the strong woman I am today.

I would definitely never change the man I fell in love with and married – for he is the greatest man in my life.

He is a man who helped me become the woman I am today and I am forever grateful that when I was eighteen I picked up the phone and he was on the other end.  He taught me to look at life differently, to laugh at everything. He has relentlessly tried to make me less serious, although he still may need to work on that one. He held my hand through my cancer and we came out smiling and stronger on the other end. He held my hand when we had our first baby and reassured me I was a brilliant mother. He always holds my hand. To this day he still wakes me up in the morning just to tell me he loves me and plants a kiss on my forhead.

This man has forever kept me happy and grounded. Most recently this man has held my hand when we lost our daughter. He has continued to hold my hand for the hardest two years of my life- grieving our daughter. Some of the darkest days he has stood by my side and not only held my hand but cried with me. He is one of a kind.

No – I would never change him.

What would I change?

That answer is simple, I would change my life two years ago.

I would make sure that when my baby girls were born I was by their side every single moment and I would insist that Charlize and Lucia were given anti-biotics. If I had insisted that maybe, just maybe my beautiful little girl would not have contracted a terrible infection that took her away from me.

Maybe three months after they were born I would’ve walked out with two tiny identical little girls.

I imagine four little people racing around my home;

I imagine four sets of everything;

I imagine an even bigger pile of washing would take over my laundry;

I imagine I wouldn’t be able to fit in a full time job or a business;

I imagine I would be full of four little people all day, every day;

I imagine I would smile and laugh a lot;

I imagine my heart would be overflowing with love and happiness;

If I could change back time, I would give my darling girl kisses until my lips hurt, I would hold her for eternity and I wouldn’t let her go.

If I could change back time

I would.

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