I woke up this morning and it hurt.
My legs, my arms, my head, my chest, but most of all my heart.
Especially when I took a breath, especially because I knew she would never take another breath. That’s why it hurt.
She wasn’t here, I can’t see her, I can’t feel her, I can’t hold her.
She is dead and I am hurting.
The pain today seems worse than yesterday.
I have tried to pretend it’s not here today – but everywhere I turn, everything I look at, everything I feel, makes the pain worse. My chest hurts from holding in my sobs.
I am at work and can’t let it out.
I smile and pretend it’s not there but it’s so strong ….
I just need one more moment with her, one more cuddle, one more time I can kiss her soft little cheeks, and whisper I love you.
Just one more moment that I can remember and hold on to and it will last me a lifetime, it will help me smile. It will help with the pain.
If I got that one more moment what would I do with her?
I would hold her in my arms like you would a sleeping baby, I would sing to her, I would rock her to sleep with her head against my chest so she could feel her Mumma’s beating heart.
I would trace my finger around her face and play with her soft hair.
I would stare into those beautiful dark eyes so I’d never forget them.
I would love to share her with those around me, my friends and family but I also would want her all to myself.
I would hold her and love her more and more.
Just one moment is all I want.