Just one more moment

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I woke up this morning and it hurt.

Everywhere.

My legs, my arms, my head, my chest, but most of all my heart.

Especially when I took a breath, especially because I knew she would never take another breath. That’s why it hurt.

She wasn’t here, I can’t see her, I can’t feel her, I can’t hold her.

She is dead and I am hurting.

The pain today seems worse than yesterday.

I have tried to pretend it’s not here today –  but everywhere I turn, everything I look at, everything I feel, makes the pain worse. My chest hurts from holding in my sobs.

I am at work and can’t let it out.

I smile and pretend it’s not there but it’s so strong ….

the LOVE;

the PAIN;

the EMPTINESS.

I just need one more moment with her, one more cuddle, one more time I can kiss her soft  little cheeks, and whisper I love you.

Just one more moment that I can remember and hold on to and it will last me a lifetime, it will help me smile. It will help with the pain.

If I got that one more moment what would I do with her?

I would hold her in my arms like you would a sleeping baby, I would sing to her, I would rock her to sleep with her head against my chest so she could feel her Mumma’s beating heart.

I would trace my finger around her face and play with her soft hair. 

I would stare into those beautiful dark eyes so I’d never forget them.

I would love to share her with those around me, my friends and family but I also would want her all to myself.

I would hold her and love her more and more.

Just one moment is all I want.

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One thought on “Just one more moment”

  1. Oh dearest girl, I have no words. My heart is breaking for you, and I know there is nothing that can make it better, but I couldn’t read and then not comment. Much love and strength to you xxx

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